Thursday, March 26, 2015

Finding Peace

This is what I wrote on Wednesday morning in my journal…

March 25, 2015
Some days I wish I could just 'let go' and get it all out. Just kick and scream and have a holy fit. Instead my frustrations get buried deep inside. Sadness, lack of motivation, withdrawal, total apathy. Somehow I believe the lie of hopelessness.
I pull into the driveway from a trip for coffee and see the birds playing in the yard. I nearly cry and am reminded of  the scripture in Matthew 6:26 of how he even feeds the sparrows. "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

My days of funk has been numerable lately. I'll call it mild depression. 
One day, about twenty years ago, I was quite depressed and the Lord spoke very clearly to me. In a nutshell He said, you are depressed because you aren't getting 'your' way. Things aren't going the way 'you' think they should. That alone was so freeing. And ever since I'll be reminded when I get in this depressive funk it's because things are NOT going the way I think they should. And sometimes I DO just want to kick and scream (because I know it's in there somewhere.) Because that's just how I feel.
No, a lot of things are not the way I would like them to be. But I must choose to not let them have so much power of me. After all, 'They're not the boss of me." But then there are many other things that I am sooooo grateful for.

Often times a little photography meditation helps.
I drove around town and stole some branches. The best pink ones were between McDonald's and Bank of America. We pay them enough interest I figure they owe me a few blooms.
I went prepared… A plastic tub with four pitchers filled with water and my snippers. And not a day too soon because the wind blew everything off the trees that night.
Hipstagram shots on the iPhone…
DreamCanvas film, BettieXL lens


DreamCanvas film, BettieXL lens

Jane film, Blanko C16 lens

Flowers for you, my friends! Have a good weekend and I hope you find your peace when things don't go the way you prefer they do.

Linking up with Kim for Friday Finds.
Kim Klassen dot com

16 comments:

  1. Roxi, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your vulnerability and telling exactly how you feel - and how you cope. So many of us have days of mild depression, feeling out of sorts, anxiety and worry, frustration or apathy. Sometimes, I want to isolate myself and avoid the whole world. But, like you, I pull out my camera and use it to help me find my way. I'm glad you stole those branches with blossoms -and your beautiful photographs lifted my spirits today - when I really needed it.

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  2. I've been getting the feeling of late that you haven't been happy about some things. I hope you can sort them out. But in the meantime, you are still making some pretty amazing art! I get "down" on a regular basis ... so weird ... I've never been able to understand why because my life is good. I hope spring and a few flowers bring you some peace and joy.

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  3. Beautiful words and photos Roxi. I can so relate to your feelings. I have a little slide show of quotes on my desk top that helps to remind me where to focus my thoughts when they need a little refocusing.

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  4. I hope you find a path that will help you move through the darkness. Beautiful images. Happy Friday.

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  5. Roxi, I've been having similar feelings lately. Perhaps it's the time of year, the end of a long winter. Thank you for sharing your feelings along with your beautiful flower photos. It's not really that "misery loves company," but it is comforting to know one is not alone. And that this too shall pass.

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  6. Oh I know how you feel. I'm hoping that once spring arrives here my mood will pick up. You made me smile this morning with visions of you and your snippers. I feel that a little pruning of the tree will be good for the tree.

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  7. Such a heartfelt post.. I know photography is wonderful meditation for me.

    I do hope you have an awesome weekend.

    Hugs~

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  8. I hear you Roxi. That comes and goes for me as well. Hang in there and keep making your magical art!

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  9. Ah my fiend I so know what you are going through. I too have feeling so down. Always know that I'm here. Bravo on showing your vulnerability I yet haven't been brave enough x

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  10. There is always that little child within ourselves that wants her own way and we do get funky when we can't have it. It's a constant thing for all of us because we're human. Just the way God made us.
    Have a peaceful weekend!

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  11. I hope you feel better soon...you have so much beauty to give...and receive.

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  12. Sorry you've been in a funk lately Roxi, it's hard to pull yourself out of it sometimes. I think we all feel like this, thank you for being so open about it, I hope you feel better xo I love your photos as always, I had to smile at you going out prepared for your blossom "snitching"...lol The things we do ( I did the same thing yesterday) The third photo down would make a beautiful journal cover :)

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  13. Love your art. I like your thought of "They're not the boss of me." So true too. I just remembering when funk and being funky was a good thing - ah, those were the days.

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing Roxi. It is easy to get overwhelmed this time of year. It is easy to o nothing. It is easy to want things to go our way and feel extremely disappointed when they don't. Hang in there. At least you have pretty flowering branches to photograph, not so much here.

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  15. Beautiful photos...precious thoughts. I think creatives like ourselves have a tendency toward melancholy, because we are sensitive souls. The benefit side is that we have great capacity for joy, because we are able to slow down and notice the little gifts. I've wrestled with this...but I grow more at peace with it every day. Jesus made me as I am which includes blessings and burdens...

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I read and appreciate all your comments. Have a blessed day!