Creating Beyond The Layers: depression

This is what I wrote on Wednesday morning in my journal…

March 25, 2015

Some days I wish I could just 'let go' and get it all out. Just kick and scream and have a holy fit. Instead my frustrations get buried deep inside. Sadness, lack of motivation, withdrawal, total apathy. Somehow I believe the lie of hopelessness.

I pull into the driveway from a trip for coffee and see the birds playing in the yard. I nearly cry and am reminded of the scripture in Matthew 6:26 of how he even feeds the sparrows. "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

My days of funk has been numerable lately. I'll call it mild depression.

One day, about twenty years ago, I was quite depressed and the Lord spoke very clearly to me. In a nutshell He said, you are depressed because you aren't getting 'your' way. Things aren't going the way 'you' think they should. That alone was so freeing. And ever since I'll be reminded when I get in this depressive funk it's because things are NOT going the way I think they should. And sometimes I DO just want to kick and scream (because I know it's in there somewhere.) Because that's just how I feel.

No, a lot of things are not the way I would like them to be. But I must choose to not let them have so much power of me. After all, 'They're not the boss of me." But then there are many other things that I am sooooo grateful for.

Often times a little photography meditation helps.

I drove around town and stole some branches. The best pink ones were between McDonald's and Bank of America. We pay them enough interest I figure they owe me a few blooms.

I went prepared… A plastic tub with four pitchers filled with water and my snippers. And not a day too soon because the wind blew everything off the trees that night.

Hipstagram shots on the iPhone…